Saturday, October 30, 2010

Testing Times

I somehow believe that every single challenge presented to us is a test of our perseverance and our ability to adapt to new situations as well.

Obstacles are put in front of you, not to obstruct you, not to demoralise you, but to encourage you to do your best to pummel through it. It might sound naive at times, but it's the only way, and it's what you have to do to achieve a goal you've been dying to reach for a very long time.

These are testing times, for it provides the proving grounds for me to show that I am capable of being a man, being someone who can take on situations independently, the stepping stones in my path of being a whole person.

Tests come often. In the form of responsibility(Accepting positions in societies, taking care of parents, be responsible for my own health etc.). In the form of relationships(Am I treating her the right way? Am I worrying my parents because I haven't eaten too much lately? Am I giving my friends the attention they so longly crave for?). In the form of performances(Test results going well? Where did I go wrong in this basketball match?) or even in the form of self-restriction('Let her have fun with other guys, she possesses her freedom.' 'Stop eating those chips right now...' 'Supper kills.'). Tests help us recognise our potential. With every step crossed, a new aura of confidence resides in you, and the more self-belief you have when similar tests approach.
試驗,我們經常會面臨。也許是在責任方面(接受在學會裡的職位、照顧爸媽、為自己的健康負責人……)。關係方面(我對他這她做對不對?我少吃會讓爸媽擔心嗎?我有沒有給我朋友他們需要的注意?)。性能方面(考試成績怎樣?這場球賽哪裡做錯了?)甚至在自我克制方面(‘她有她的自由,偶爾讓他參他的男性朋友吧’ ‘別再吃薯片了’ ‘宵夜=自殺’……)。一切探試讓我認識了自己的潛能。每個試驗完成了,一陣新鮮的自信心會在你心裡燃起,讓我相信自己能夠面對各種難關。

There will be times when you meet all kinds of people out there. Those with the nice-guy attitude who will be your best buds on a temporary basis, those with an agenda to utilise you and ditch you when their mission is done, those who just want to be close to you so that they can show you off to people, those who are willing to give everything for you because they truly love you, those who care only for themselves and do not think about your feelings etc. Knowing people helps us to have a malleable and flexible mentality. Call me two-faced, but for different people you just gotta treat them differently and make the most out of the initial ice-breaking.
你會在社會裡遇到各種各樣的人。那種‘好人型’、那種早就想利用你的、那種故意靠近你所以能夠炫耀的、那種願意為你做出一切犧牲的、那種自私的…… 認識各樣的人讓我們學會如何面對各樣的人。好的,你可以把我看成雙面人,可是這種態度就是必須實習才能讓我們前途有得好過。

At times I'm not sure of myself. Sometimes I just couldn't figure out why I have to do something to achieve my goals, thinking it was pretty irrelevant to them. Maybe it's true, but yet, maybe in the future I might find use for those 'useless' things I've studied.

As of now, my girl's out with her band(more guys than girls, obviously) to Malacca, I'm facing a transition period in life, and I'm struggling with my studies. Can I pull through this and make it out fine? I just need my doubts to vapourise and start doing things the way they should be done, not my way. I realised that I could not hold on to this kind of relaxing attitude anymore. Time whizzes by and the clock never turns back. I need... some time for myself.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Where others excel, why can't I?

Sorry for the lack of updates recently.

It's true that my first trimester results have affected me much. Maybe a tad too much, but I'm not even sure myself.

I got a very disappointing 2.81 out of 4, which is very, very low for my standards(no offence to those who fared worse...). I checked my results and at once I knew that I had to improve my maths and chemistry(a subject I thought I'd do good on). So this new semester I'll be cutting down on entertainment and shower more attention on my studies instead, that's at least a 'new sem resolution'. Just hoping I'll make it through the storm in the end.

Well, contradicting myself as I may be, I've bought FIFA 11 for my personal enjoyment. I'll make sure it won't affect me too much as well.

I envy my friends who got way better results than I do. I try to find the what makes them tick, but in the end I still have to work harder, that's a conclusion I've come to anyways. It pisses me off to know some of them actually copy other's reports for higher coursework marks(screw my low report marks in the first sem) but I guess that's just the way life is.

I make comparisons with friends, but more importantly, myself too. How long has it been since I last really got a good result in exams? PMR? Damn it if I still can't figure out what went wrong.

And I should get more exercise. I seemed to have slacked a little too much than I've expected, Although my body mass remained the same, but I feel weak and fatigued easily nowadays.

Please, give me strength and help me persevere through everything that comes my way.

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